just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
