i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
