Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
