it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
