I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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