The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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