so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
