Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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