Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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