my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
