Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
