On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
