So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
