I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
