I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
