the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
