Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
