your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
