I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
