Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
