I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
