Fuck appropriateness.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
