I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
