he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i now understand why vodka
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
