I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
