So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize