I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my phone needs a breathalizer
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
