you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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