i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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