Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
