I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
