can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize