I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
