I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
