Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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