You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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