Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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