I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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