Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
