I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
