Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
