the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
