i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
