Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
