Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
