This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I won the penis lottery.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
