now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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