On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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