As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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