arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
