The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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