Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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