Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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