im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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