I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
