And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
