If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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