My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
