what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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