You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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