Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
